Alone in the house!!!

Today is my first time stay alone in this big house. Actually i really feel very scare since im not brave at all. Nevermind lah, just take this opportunity to let myself think clearly. Recently, i more and more don't know who am i?? I like lost myself already?? I feel very tired, very very tired in everything. I always feel that it is faith for me to know every single person who appear in my life. But yet, there are a few questions appear in my mind. a) Is human being selfish?? b) Is there anyone will take others more important than themselves?? c) What value am i hold on?? Actually the first two questions always told by my friend that every human is selfish. No one will take others more important than themselves but i always do feel that not really. For those i appreciate, i really take the heart to them, i really will always leave those good one to them instead of myself. This is because i think they are worth for it. But i do know that not everyone will like that, when they do something that is hurt, it really hurt. I always feel that there is so much of uncertainty in life. A person may be look good and healthy in this second but may be will die in the next second. I had been asked myself what is the value i been in this world?? But the answer seems like no. In this year, i do feel changes in myself especially my health problem. Before that, i difficult to breath, and then minor gastric and now don't know why my hand keep on shaking these two days. Hope will be ok soon.

Finally exam over!!!

This whole week is really a stressful, tough and tired week for me. This is because i need to sit for the RSPO lead auditor exam. Since last saturday till yesterday, i don't have a day can sleep soundly because of too stress. And so till thursday, i can't tahan already that my head is so pain till i can't stand on it. For the exam, i can't think of it anymore but just pray hard that i can pass it. Got one more thing happen that i think i really think clearly for it. So, let me think clearly of it first la. Feel like very lazy to write blog edi.

顺期自然。。。

有时候，我在想为什么我一些好友不是那么的渴望爱情但也有好友是多么的渴望？？！！ 那天与我的好友谈过有关我的事后，我的确觉得其实我真的不喜欢他，我只是想得到他的关心。不过，从这让我更了解自己了。其实我还是以前的我，喜欢那类型的。。。但最近就总是让我想起他，难道别人所说的最初是最难忘是真的吗？？算了吧，别想了，一切随缘吧！！相信如果有缘的话，一定会遇到那个他的！！！一切顺期自然吧！！！

In dilemma!!!!

I really don't know how!!! First time my heart feel so pain!!! First time i so wanna cry in front of others!!! First time i don't know what to do!!! All because of this is the first time i being cheated by a friend and sumore is a best friend who i so concern and never want to lose!!! I really don't know how to talk to u!!! Frank to tell you that my heart really like broken up since that day i realized that u lied to me, is really broken up!!! This is because i never expect you will be the first friend who lie to me and also never expect you will lie to me on so small thing!!! May be is because of i too concern you and so let me know it!!! And so now i feel so pain!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! What can i do??? What should i do???

Hurt!!!

Is totally hurt!!! I think this is first time i being cheated like that!!! Before that, just had been ffk by frens but this time really superb hurt!!! The time i knew it, i just like can't accept it, and i really can feel how hurt and sad in my heart!!! It like screaming!!! Because i never expect this friend will cheat me like that!!! =(((((((((

Worry night!!!

What i worried all the while happened tonight!!! I really very scare and worry!!! I don't know how but just cried and cried. I really feel very worry and scare!!!==

A nice drama - On Call 36 Hours

Wow, like this drama so much!!! My cousin, my dear ho fun n me wait for the new episode everyday and waiting to watch it once back to home from office. Today episode is so meaningful and also very touching. Got one statement is that "don't ever keep your sickness from your family and also people around you so that they are given a chance to spend more time with you, otherwise if we leave this world suddenly, then at that moment they might can't accept and feel miserable!!!" Yaya, this is really very true but yet i always just can't tell my family when i sick till very serious that need admit to hospital or what, then only i will tell them. This happened to me twice already and had been scolded by my family also but yet i still like that. I also don't know why, sometimes feel that don't want them to worry but everytime will just let them even more worry.

Second statement is that "not everyone once went out from home and can come back home safely, there are some people just leave this world like that and left with lots of regrets!!!" This let me think back and is really very true. Actually life really very simple but don't know why we as human so like to make it complicated. And so, i want live my life meaningfully and wonderful. Although i do know my health getting worst and more worst now but i hope is nothing there!!! I just hope i can live longer than my parents, then i very satisfy already because i really can't imagine how would my parents especially my mum be if i got anything.

p/s: May everyone especially my family and dear friends stay happy and healthy always!!!<3<3<3

Fantastic Outstation!!!

This week really a meaningful outstation trip for me since i started work. Throughout this whole week, i learnt a lot on oil palm and also palm oil audit. Since i more and more interested in this field and so i felt very happy to join in this outstation. On the second day, the two boss in this office joined us as well and the second boss taught me a lot during the loose fruit audit. Since last time, i felt actually he is quite nice boss and not like what others said so, and so this time let me feel that he really quite good actually. Some of them said that because of my boss is Mr Sin and so he so nice to me but is it really like that?? Perhaps. But anywhere, i think i should learn from my boss that never trust and believe what other people say except i experienced it by myself.

Today is the last day for this trip and i had the opportunity to learn and chat with a senior there. And also let me found out something that i hope it is not real but if really real, then im sure this really wake me up completely. Will really let me believe that never trust anyone!!! From this trip, let me realized a few things as well. Anywhere, i also don't know how and what should i do but i think i will choose just let it be. I'm a human who will tired also, can't always be the contributor actually so just let it la.

Yesterday im had been felt very scare and worry of my own, but i don't know how to face it and i don't have the gut to face it as well. One thing for sure is i different, my thinking and value also different, and so i should not compare it. But sometimes i really don't know why??!!! Arghhhhh!!!
Lee Kuan Yee, just let it!!!!!! You will be ok one day!!!

Am i right or wrong???

Sometimes when i grow up and up, i feel like i can't differentiate what is right and what is wrong already. Actually i hate the most is people gossiping about others and those close with me also know about it. They know that i don't like gossip just like my rumie had been asked me before why never heard me gossip about others. And so, once i came into this office, those people gossip here and there cause me so dislike the environment here but now i feel like im doing that. Once i know how that people is, in my mind just let me thinking how to help my buddy and so i asked my cousin if got such situation, how to handle it till my cousin so worry and thought is me but then i said not me, then only she feel glad. But she scolded me for care for others since this is none of my business. But yet i really cant ignore it, cos she is my buddy and i hope to help but it seem not so easy to help. And so i decided to tell her what had her head done but then cause her now so angry and just let me feel like i shouldn't do so actually. But if i am her, i very angry also but i will not let them to bully me. If that is my job and i did it, i wont let him to take it for granted. Whether that is small or big task, if im the one who do, i must let my boss know that is i do it and not others. Like this, only fair!!! But for another one, he really too over, he shouldn't told the outsider about that!!! Ishhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! So wanna to scold him for being so busybody!!! Arghhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Really don't know what i did is right or wrong?? I think in some sense is right but in the other sense is wrong.

T.T

What a sad day for me???

I had been long long time didnt been like today. So angry and sad till can cry when driving and drive superb reckless!!!!

An Awesome Friendship!!!

Today is my first time attend such a grand meeting with all the top managements. Im really felt very glad for given the chance to attend and listen how it is. It is really very different from those meeting. It is so awesome, when there are arguement, i noticed that my boss will try to cool down the situation.

Apart from this, i also noticed that the friendship between my boss, Mr Sin and Mr Chong is so good and awesome. The way they treat and talk to each other, really let me realized and believe that a truth friendship really can be built up between colleague!!! Frank to say i also very glad to have such a good friend in this office but sometimes her action do let me feel very sad and disappointed and so i had been wondering is she really take me as best friend??? Moreover, my friend told me before that is better don't be so close with colleague, they said im too good and naif, scare that i will be cheated and hurt one day since they know that i will treat friend better than to myself. But yet i really can't doing so, because i really had taken her as my best friend. From the meeting and what i saw, let me believed that a truth friendship can really be built up also between colleague and so im sure we also can be. Although i don't know what actually you are thinking but i just want to tell you that i had choose to trust you and this friendship earlier since when you gave me the assurance and so i will never change except you did something hurt me badly like cheat me. I really hope that we can be like them in the future if we still work together. Im sure when you saw the situation just now, you will also feel very great and awesome.

人生。。。

人生
它的无常
它的变化
真让我感到害怕
感到恐惧
也让我不知所措。。。

Something meaningful and happy!!!

Opps, forgot to mentioned that finally today i did a meaningful and happy thing!!! After called them for twice, finally i managed to do so!!!

p/s: Tomorrow is grandma 3/7. So sorry that i cant go back and pray but i will pray here. Tonight i misssssss u so much, my lovely and dearest grandma!!! Ur cutie laughter will always in my heart forvever and ever!!! <3

不想长大！！！

人往往就是那么的矛盾。 小时就很希望能快点长大， 当长大了却一直想念着以前小的时候。 我也不例外。 可是， 那全都只能在想像中， 最后还是的回到现实。 经过这几年， 我不能不说我真的长大了， 但有一样是没变的， 每次还得犯同样的错。 直到今年， 也因为太多的考验， 让我不得不改因为我已无法承受了。 可是对我来说的确很难改因为我太重视了。

Gambling Nite!!!

Yesterday after a long discussion, finally we decided to my friend house to have our dinner. After a fast and quick decision, finally we went to a western restaurant. After that, we were busy searching for the poker cards!!! Hahahaha...some funny things happen and we just look like idiot but yet we are actually!!! hahahah...(opps, hope they didnt c this bt i think they don't know de!!) After that, we went to my friend house and start our gambling mission and this is the first day for this dragon year!!! During the gambling time, we laughed and laughed till my face become reddish also. haha...really very happy, long time didnt laughed for so many hours already. Really thanks to my dearest!!! I really appreciate so much!!! You will just always let me feel so touched!!!<3<3<3

Alone!!!

Tonight really a wonderful night for me!!! This is the second time having dinner alone but this time is totally different. This time i decided to read book overthere while having my dinner and so i chose Black Canyon near my house here. May be is my grandma and uncle blessing me, and so once i went inside the parking lot, there were a car out and so i can park just in front the entrance. After that, i walked inside and there were a corner place empty which match with my earlier plan. And so i ordered food and then started my reading mission. Wow, is so good to be alone sometimes!!!

Actually in these few weeks, after so many things happened, i learn a few things. One of them is everything is unpredictable and uncertainty, u really can't expect and also promise anything actually. Second thing is how important and strong when a family unite together. Third is i should not depend on anyone, but just because i also a human being and so i very hope for care and love but i should not put any expectation on it, because everyone is different. Fourth is how important and strong of a Hug!!! A hug without words meant a lot a lot a lot!!! Since i grow up, that day when hug with my dearest cousin, i really can feel how strong it is. Without words, but a hug and cry together is such a powerful message for both of us that we know what it meant.

I really try my very best to be better of me!!! But i do need the strengh especially from Buddha. ^^

My New Life!!!

These few days after back to kl, i try to let myself relax and don't think so much. And so, my besties and i planned go to Tanjung Sepat for a one day trip. This also the first time i can be so brave that i go to a place that i never been there before by just using GPS. Hahahaha...first was went to my besties house in Cheras, i quite lost actually on the way to her house but luckily i still managed to fetch her after almost 2 hour journey from my house to her house. Hahahhaa...i can back to Ipoh actually. After that, we started our journey to Tanjung Sepat. When reached there, we managed found a quite nice place that not so hot and shinny. Since her mum had prepared food for us, so we ate it and chatting overthere. We really chat a lot a lot but for my own problem, i just like can't really say it out, i also don't know why, may be what happened to me had taught me to be tough, to solve the problem myself since although said it out, also useless and pointless. But i myself know that actually i very choosy, i will just share my problem with some certain people but yet always will just let me feel sad and useless.

After that, we went to the nearby resort to have a visit. And the view there really very beautiful and amazing, we took lots of picture overthere. But then, it like want to raining and so we faster go back to car. On the way back, we still thinking what is our programme if raining but luckily it stop already. And so we back to the beach and played with the sand and water before go and take our dinner. Since we searched in the blog that got a place seem like very nice and cheap the seafood, so we try to search for it but in the end, we cant find the one we hope to go but to another place edi. Hahahaha...but so amazing is that this restaurant food very unique and tasty also. This restaurant is facing the beach and also sunset and so i managed to see the sunset while having dinner. Not far from the restaurant, we found the Lover's Bridge and so we went there. Although we don't know why it called Lover's Bridge but yet we enjoy the walking along it. Moreover, that day is 15th of lunar calender that is the 'Chap Goh Mei' and so there were lots of people playing the fireworks, and it is such a beautiful view when look to the sky.

Before back home, we went to a temple and that day also the first day i went to temple during CNY. The temple is so crowded because of the concert having there and i really very enjoy for this one day trip. But yet, i thought go to beach can let me feel more happy but yet is not so. In my mind, i still can't really enjoy and be happy.

Yesterday night, at first my lovely and dearest Ipoh besties planned to have our dinner at Thai food restaurant. But when i reached their house, they said we go sing k. Wow, at that moment, i felt so happy and touched in heart because i know that they want to sing k is to let me feel happy since i mentioned to them before that i want to sing k when im sad. When reached there, i try my best to talk more but yet i just like not so want to talk. But my besties try their best to make me laugh and say out by dancing and make some funny thing overthere. It is such wonderful and amazing!!! I really very touched by their action. Thanks so much my dear!!! Appreciate so much!!!<3<3<3

And then today can be consider that is my first day of work in KL after CNY. Once i reached office, i got so much of work to do and so let me feel so happy and satisfy. Hope in the future, i can be like today, work load continuous to me!!!

p/s: What had happened is already happened. No one can change it anymore and so for us. I just hope that we can be like last time but yet it seems different already. I really feel very sad for our friendship become like now. Im sure you know who i refer to and i don't know what you are thinking. I really very sad for we become like that.

Changes!!!

There are so much changes had happened. Today went to my uncle house, just let me felt so weird, every corner left with his shadow. I know i should not think so much and accept the reality but it really very difficult for me to do so. The reality of losing both lovely family members whom i closed with is really such a difficult thing. In these two weeks, is really hardly for me to describe myself. Every morning just like a robot that without my soul, in myself i know i can't be like that anymore and so im glad to come back to KL earlier so that i can have some personal time to think clearly.

Sometimes i really feel that myself very useless, whether in family stuffs, friendship and also work, i also a loser. Sometimes i feel so lonely, feel that i just alone, no family, no friends, nobody will care for me and understand me. And so, i always so hope to run away from all these, to a place that no one know me, but yet this will just in dream and is very difficult to really have it.

Finally tonight i can be alone in the room, can cry as much as i can. I really feel very tired with all these. So hope i can chat with someone now!!!

First Working Day in Taiko!!!

Today is my first day in Taiko with the employee identity. When i just out from my car, saw my ex-colleague, she so happy to see me. And then went inside the office, those don't know me but yet they greet me and said 'morning!' Wow, so good, this is something that cant find in kl office. After i put my things down, i went to see the lovely boss there, Mr Har...after chatted with him, im feel so great and happy. He really a wonderful boss!!! And he invited me to the tomorrow 'Muhibah' open house which so called as annual dinner. Haha...my day just began with all the happy and wonderful things. I chatted so much with all of them and so happy. And it should be very happy instead but don't know why im not that happy in heart. I just thinking something else inside my mind. Anywhere, it is still a great day to be there and i think today is the working day that i laughed so much and so happy since i started my working life.

p/s: Feel so excited with tomoro annual dinner!!! It should be a great and wonderful day with lots of memories for me before i back to kl office!!!^^

Goodbye!!!

This morning woke up earlier to pay our last respect to our dearest grandma. And also let me feel that to say 'hi' is such an easy job but yet a 'bye' is such a difficult word to say out. It really need courage to do so. Frankly to say actually in these two weeks, i just like follow everything that said but without my soul. I still cannot really accept what had happen for last week. In a week, i lost both lovely and dearest 3 kao fu and grandma. Last night went to buy groceries with family, when i saw those people sat on the wheel chair, just let me think back the time i brought 3 kao fu to shopping. Every single things, words, food will just let me think back the time with them. Arghhhhhhhhh...i so wanna run to a beach and scream loudly and let me have some peace moment to think clearly what had happened now!!!

A Day Without Soul!!!

Yesterday i was totally lost. It just like physical appearance but without soul. But yet i still try my best to concentrate. One thing i happy is that a few of us chatting last night. I really very happy that we can chat and share. Although it is very tiring since we slept for 2 hours only but yet im happy to have such warm chatting. I really don't know when have this moment again in the future.

p/s: These few days let me really understand the sleepy feeling while driving. Just like today, i really fall asleep and is really slept for few seconds. Wow, gan jeongnya!!!

Forever Love!!!

During this CNY - dragon year which is my year but yet is the most sad and tough year for my whole family. Throughout the CNY, we visited our grandma in hospital everyday. And was almost every morning, we received a call that grandma in critical and asked us faster rush to hospital. Until the third day, we received a call also but this time not just about grnadma condition but also 3 kao fu condition. We were told that he was admitted to hospital and he was in critical condition that his liver static already. And so because of grandma condition, we hope to let him talk to grandma and never think that the every single words he said out will be the last word for us to listen to. At first, we planned go to KL on the next day early morning to see him but in the early morning, i received miss call and sms from my cousin. When i saw the message that ask me to call her back as soon as possible, in heart i know must be something wrong but never expect that is such a bad news. After that, i faster contact the others and then we continued our plan to go there earlier.

Dear 3 Kao Fu,
I really very glad that i had given the chance to spend more time with you in these few years. Still remember when i small, i very scared of you because you look very strict and fierce until i came to KL to continue my degree, i had given the chance to know you more deeply and close with you. During the time stay in your house, i really very appreciate and treasure every moment spent time with you, went around with you, chat with you, the guidance you gave to me and etc. Dearest 3 kao fu, may you happy and have joy in the other world there. And since one of your wish is to see grandma, i think now you can reunion with her in the other world.

When we were attending wake service of 3 kao fu on friday night, we received a call that my grandma passed away. And so we need to rush back to Ipoh, we can't attend his cremation funeral on saturday. But i do know he will understand us and he will always stay in my heart forever and ever.

Dear Grandma,
You were the grandma whom i most close with. Last time, every saturday we would come down to chat with you, went around with you, share with you, played cards with you and etc. In my mind, i will never forget the time and the way you laugh when i joking. Ur smile is so cherish and cute. Sometimes, you even laughed till eyes got red also. I very treasure the moment together with you especially just the days before you went into critical condition, im glad that i managed chat with you and also recorded ur sweety voice. During our conversation, you always asked me when to get marry, and asked about my future and that conversation now had became the last words you said to me. Dearest grandma, may you have joy and happy in the other world. You will alaways stay in my heart forever and ever.

Lovely and cutie grandma!!!<3

In these few days, i really very very tired whether physically or mentally. Sometimes, i so hope to have someone there for me to share with but it seems no one can be. At first, i thought you are the one i can share with but actually is not so. Especially that day, i really total disappointed on you, i really never expect that you want to ask me about that. I'm wondering you always said how good or what but yet all just in words and no action. Sometimes i just think that if i am you, i know my friend in such situation, i will very care for her. I don't know, may be you really not used to do so. During this period, i really really very sad and sometimes just have a feeling to give up. I really feel very tired, don't know why there are so much bad things happened around me this year. Am i really not deserved for it???

My lovely 3 kao fu and me!!! <3

Cutie 3 kao fu and mummy!!!<3

First Day in Dragon Year!!!

Today is the first day of Dragon year and now is the early morning of chu 1. Last time i heard my mum said got some people believed that if the children don't sleep at the night of CNY eve can help parents to have longer life. I don't know whether is true or wrong but just let me have the feeling to believe and so tonight i plan not to sleep but i don't know i really can do it or not since now i very sleepy already. My mum also not yet sleep until now, i don't know is it she also hope to do so for grandma. Anywhere, i just hope in this dragon year, everything and everyone goes well!!!=)

Reunion Dinner!!!

This is the first time we had such simple and fast reunion dinner because of some problem. I really can understand how everyone felt when they received the call. I also know that everyone almost want to cry out but just they try to control themselves especially my mum. While helping her to prepare for the dinner, i know she trying her very best. Anywhere, we can't do anything but just can depend on Buddha to decide it.

p/s: Hope all my lovely family can be tough and strong enough to come through this especially my mum!!! May her blessed with healthy and hapiness always!!! <3

Gold Dragon Year 2012!!!^^

Today i really can felt the changes. The changes to good, to be better!!! Although the beginning of 2012 many things happened and is happening now also but yet for myself, i determined to make some changes. The most important is i don't want let myself influenced by all these problems anymore. And so start from now, i want to be the brand new of me!!! Words for myself in this Dragon year is cheerful, tolerate and be patient!!! And i want learn to be not so care but love myself, family and buddies more!!!

p/s: Happy Chinese New Year to all my dearest family, friends and everyone there!!! May all of us stay happy, healthy and wealthy!!! I love you all forever and ever!!!<3

A lonely night!!!T.T

Tonight really let me feel that i very lonely. At the time i need someone badly but no one is there for me. When i crying and hope for someone to care and hug but no one is there for me. This is the first time really let me have such feeling. Now i do know how hurt and sad the feeling is and let me realized all that is just rubbish!!! Got how many people will really do it?? I really very hope got friends like in the song that i can count on them when need them but it seems not many will really do it. But at the same time, i try to think on the other side, i really strongly feel that i will accompany my friend if i know she is sad and need me. Tonight i really cant control my tears anymore, it just cant stop and keep on pouring down. It just like keep inside for too long time and so now all come out together. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! Moreover, don't know why my wound bleeding tonight. Haizzzz...I really need someone to hug me tightly!!!

p/s: Really thanks to my lovely buddy for willing to chat with me!!! <3

什么是朋友？

什么是朋友？ 朋友，就是能包容对方的人。无论对方向他开了多大的玩笑，对他说了什么逆耳的语言，他都会向对方报以微笑，最多，也只是报以幽默的话语。

朋友，就是能帮助对方的人。如果对方有什么缺点，他都会给对方指出，并帮助对方改正缺点。

朋友，就是能接受对方指点的人。不管对方会向他提出怎样的缺点，甚至批评，他也会高兴地接受，并认真地改正缺点，完美自己。

朋友，就是会珍惜友谊的人。他会尊重对方，决不勉强对方。对方高兴，他也会很开心；对方伤心，他会安慰对方，决不落井下石，幸灾乐祸。朋友，就是正直的人。在邪恶面前，他绝对不会畏缩不前，也绝对不会躲藏，而是会伸张正义，将邪恶压倒。

朋友，就是不怕困难的人。在困难面前，他绝对不会害怕，也绝对不会逃避，而是会勇敢地克服困难。

朋友，就是会保护对方的人。无论发生了什么事情，他都会奋不顾身地挺身而出，为对方付出一切，甚至生命。

有的人认为，只要肯和自己吃喝玩乐的人，就是朋友。其实错了。

人人都 离不开友情。人生在世，是离不开朋友，少不了朋友的友谊和支持。所谓，“近朱者赤，近墨者黑”，一个人的朋友如何，对自身的发展往往起很大作用。这是一种 看不见的 1潜移默化，熏陶感染的力量。可见，如何认识和选择朋友，是十分重要的。所以我们必须与正直、讲信用、有学问的人交朋友，会得益非浅；与那种 2献媚奉承、心术不正、华而不实的人交朋友，会带来坏处。中学生正处于情感丰富、爱冲动的年龄，千万不要一时冲动，或碍于情面，或为了“义气”，去做那些 不该做的事。结交什么样的朋友，必须慎重。

当我们 经过审慎的选择而寻找到了自己的朋友之后，如何确保彼此关系的和谐而健康的发展是大有讲究和学问的。首先，我们必须以心换心多交朋友。跟人交朋友得用自己 的“心”去换取别人的信任，使对方知道你是他的好朋友，真朋友，贴心人。这样他才能无顾忌的把“心”献给你，从而达到“以心换心”成为心心相印的好朋友。 对待朋友之间的意见分歧，即使受了冤枉，也要宽宏大度。可通过交换意见来 3澄清是非，达到和解的目的。

交友贵在真诚。让我们多交朋友，善交朋友吧，这样，你就会像一只自由的小鸟，愉快地翱翔在幸福的蓝天中。

 

 p/s: Totally agree with this article!!! This is what truth fren for!!! Thats why when i really take someone as best friend, i will treat them even better than to myself. Hahaha...

 

Life full of uncertainty!!!

In these few years especially last year, i learn that life is full of uncertainty. Since small, i just need pay attention on study and everything just went well for me. Until these few years, i face lots of problem whether in friendship, working or life. I found that everything can just happen in one minute or should be one second also. Since after form 6, my life just like started to change or should be said i started to grow up. First is friendship, second is i need to choose course for my degree and scholarship, then is working problem. After that, is family health problem.

Recently, i got relationship, friendship, work and family health problem. The worst is they like all come together or like in a sequence. Just when i settle one thing and know that i must be happy but then sure got something happen here and there. Haiz...cause me become even more sad. But i think because of too much uncertainty and so now i like immune already. Just like today, because of i can't online in the office for a few hours and so let me can think clearly those problem. And so finally let me think clearly for the friendship problem. I found that may be is i too concern, think too much and so make me have that feeling. And so now i decided i don't want to be like that anymore!!! I should not so care and also think so much!!! And im sure being like this will let me feel better and happy.

For the other problem, i decided don't think so much also since everything is out of my control now. So i should stay happy and live happily. Don't chase for the problem but yet wait for the problem to come by itself just like what happening now. Just like what my cousin husband said 'take them as patient, then we will not angry with their behaviour, we will be neutral and also will forgive them'. And so for myself, im a patient actually and should be said every member in my family are patient now, we all mentally and psychologically sick. Just like when i know my grandma in critical, i so want to go back home but at the same time i need think of the leave problem. May be for some of them feel that leave is not a big deal, but for me, i can't take leave simply because i don't want let my boss feel like im that kind of 'lazy' employee since my situation so different from them. I just can take leave when really very emergency. Just like if i take emergency leave on monday but actually my grandma getting better till now, then how should i tell my boss??? For my uncle case, i really feel tired with the whole family, i don't know why a family can become like that?? I don't know why a daughter can just went and visited his father for only 10 minutes??? What happen to them?? What are they thinking?? I do know my uncle behaviour really not good but since now he admitted to hospital, is it you can stay longer a bit?? Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anywhere, i think i really had done my best already. What others think and do just let them be. From now, i don't want care anymore!!! And i must face every problem happily and not sad. I want become the real of me that keep in bottom of the heart since form 6. Hahahaa...sound like scary..lolz..

p/s: Just hope everyone stay happy and healthy!!! ^^

My Mind!!!

These few days my mind just always appear something that undescrible, weird and uncertain. I really can't figure it out what exactly it is but just know got something. I felt so tired with these!!! Sometimes i really hope to know am i too concern them and so now become like that??? Am i think too much already??? Is our friendship had changed??? Why it seems different since we first met till now??? I don't know, but i do hope to have an answer from you......

Hapi Reunion CNY Dinner!!!^^

Tonight i felt very happy. This is because tonight is the first time let me feel that the people in this office can be so fun, good and integrated. All the while i just hope to see them to be like that and tonight i saw it. For me, i always think that working not just for money but the process also very important. When you wake up every morning and feel sad once think that you need go to work, then what for??? I don't know how other people think, but for me, it is very important to enjoy while working. May be because during my internship, the culture is so good and happy and so when i came here, i so wanna to change the culture here. I really hope to see everyone enjoy and happy. I really hope after tonight and the two people leave, this office will become more and more friendly, nice and happy. Although i don't know next time will i still be here, but i do hope they all will continue with this culture since everyone are Chinese and so should be much more fun.

p/s: May all my colleagues stay happy and healthy always!!! Happy Chinese New Year in advance!!! ^^

Down and Up!!!

Yest morning i was in a happy mood to office till a phone call, im from happy to want to cry. This is because my 'kei ma' told me that grandma condition getting worst now. When i heard it, i just had kind of weird feeling, undescrible feeling like want to cry but cant cry also. So, i just try to control myself since im in the office. When my colleagues were discussing about tonight steambot plan, my cousin called me and we think back the last few weeks when we were chatting with grandma and grandma asked me faster get marry and give birth because she so wanna to see my future husband and baby. At that moment, although my office got a few people but yet i can't control my tears anymore, a few drops of tears came down and i faster try to stop chat with my cousin since i don't want let them know i cried. At that morning, i don't have mood to eat or drink anything also and so since morning till lunch, i just drank plain water. Till lunch time, my buddy asked me to have lunch and so i followed. But during the lunch, i felt quite sad and disappointed because i like being abandoned, they had their own chatting except me. Most badly is my buddy also like that. Haizzzz...my mood already very very sad and being treated like this make me felt even worst. May be she didnt feel that im in sad or her observation really so weak. May be is my observation too good and so cause me feel very disappointed at the moment for being treated like that. 

But at night, after work, we went to sing k which we planned earlier. I felt very happy overthere, during that 3 hours, my mind like free from problem and just enjoy myself to the fullest. The most happy was we ended our sing-k section with a very very very long CNY song. Hahaha...this is the first time i sang CNY song during sing-k. Really make me got the CNY mood at that moment!!!

Recently like too many things happen and so cause me whenever i want to be happy and don't think for something but yet just the next day sure got something happen and cause me cant happy anymore. May be is because when im small, everything run so smooth and good and so now when grow up, i felt so fustrated with all the problem happened around me. And now, i really feel that being a child is the best in my life because no need think so much and can be so happy and free.

p/s: Im glad that my grandma now still in stable condition. Thanks for everyone especially my besties for asking her dad to pray for my grandma as well. Hope everything will under control.

Answer!!!

Sometimes is good to know the answer but sometimes not really. It is just depend on the person who involved and also how they look at the matter. For me, i always hope to know the answer because i impatient to wait but yet this time i delayed it till today i only try to approach the answer. Actually before that my friends got asked me to get the answer from you but yet im not dare to do so. This is because at that moment i know that actually im not that fond to you until after that, i realized that i more and more attracted by you and so now i have the courage to find the answer from you. Although is hurt but yet is good for us to know it now. At least we still can become best friend. Just like what you said, we don't know how we will be in the future but for sure now we are best friend.

p/s: Just let Buddha arrange how will our life be in the future!!! <3

Lose in both way!!!

Im so sorry to hurt you but actually at the same time, i hurted by someone also. I really don't know what is my feeling to you, may be because we know each other for so many years already and so sometimes i hope to depend on you, i hope to get the care and love from you but i don't know that is just for friendship or relationship. But yesterday when i knew that u sad n hurted by that, i feel sad too. Im so want to talk to you but i scare my action will hurt you more. May be both of us too scare that this will affect our so many years friendship and so this happen. I really very sorry for that!!! =((

Miss you!!!

Tonight don't know why suddenly i miss you so much!!! Am i really fall in love on you already??? Am i make a wrong decision??? Can you tell me how you feel??? Arghhhhhhh!!!!!! =(

Working Journey...

It is the third month since i started my working life here. At first especially for the first week, it is damn terrible for me because of the environment. But after told one of my colleague there, i felt better and try to be happy although i still prefer to work in Ipoh that time. Frank to say if i didnt know this colleague (act i dont like to call her as colleague cos sound like very far, not close at all...haha), i really can't imagine my working life will be how. I don't know whether i will still continue or not. This is because for me, i don't like to work in such environment that full with politics!!! Anywhere, now all over already!!! Now i learnt to not care and also won't let them influence my emotion. Because i know it is not worth at all!!!

Recently i got a news that my boss want to transfer me back to Ipoh to work. This should be a very happy news for me but don't know why when my colleague told me, i didn't feel happy at all. One of the reason is I miss the life here, that can be so free and can do whatever i want to. Second thing is i will miss my buddy in this office a lot a lot!!! Although we just know each other for about two months, but yet our friendship like had been built for many years already. In these two months, we went to office together, tea time together, sometimes eat dinner together, shopping together, drinking together, watch movie together!!! Wow, like what i said, know and have her this friend is the most glad and valuable thing that i get from here!!! Although my boss still not yet tell me when will be the day, but im sure it is very soon since now like everyone know already!! Haiz, really can't imagine for it!!! Anywhere, i really hope you will be happy to work here after those people left, although just for three years but yet it still a long time so if u can't find ur happiness working here, just u will suffer, no one will pity u de!!! And so is not worth at all for working stuff to influence ur hapiness and so health. My dear, i hope to see the happy of you that ur hapiness really come from bottom of ur heart and not the fake smile that just to cover ur sadness!!!

One more thing is that today i received a call from Shell that offer me a position. But after discuss with my friend, i decided do not accept the offer. I should continue with my job now since im sure after back to Ipoh, i will learn a lot a lot from my lovely boss!!! He really a very very good boss so i should appreciate!!! And since is he who want to employ me, i should not disappointed him!!!

p/s: I miss you!!! =)

Hapi Outing!!!^^

Since we graduated from uni, this is the first time we went out together. Although after we left uni, u did ask me to help u in some activities but yet i can't make it because of some reason until yesterday finally we met again. This is the first time i helped guy to choose shirt, and u taught me how to differentiate between gals n gents shirt n oso gents pants. Haha...n den we went for a movie 'Jack n Jill'..wow, this movie is so nice, so funny!!! We laughed from the start till the end till we said it too short edi the story, if can longer a bit den more nice!! Frank to say i really very hapi yesterday!!! You make my day!!! hehe...hapi chatting with u too!!!

p/s: But too bad u forgot my turkey chocolate!!!! hahaha...do remember that u owe me ya!!! May u have a safe journey back to Singapore later n all the best in ur work!!! ^^

Burst out!!!

These few days im in a sad mood. Although i know eveything is out of my control actually but i hate these!!! Sometimes i really wondering is it when we had grown up, more and more thing we need to think of?? to consider?? I really feel tired already!!! Till today finally i burst out!!! After work, on the way back home, my buddy n i went to have layer cake. Because she also got her own sadness and so i didnt tell her what happen to me and what is my problem. Until back to home, my another buddy chat with me in fb and she said she very sad and want to cry, at the moment i said if u are here, so good, den we can cry together!!! And at that moment, my tears start to out but then i control myself. After that, we decided to have dinner near my house here. Then, don't know why she just like know that i want to drink chatime bubble tea and so she suggested to continue out second round there. Because im too full already and so i can't finish mine, and so i take away and back home. When reached home, i parked my car further down of my house and i swtiched on the radio loudly to let myself have some silent moment. But in between many people called me but the most make me touched is my best buddy!!! First is my dear jo, she so worried me and so called to make sure im ok, after that, we decided to have dinner together on friday night. After that, is my dear ho fun, when she called and asked me, i cried and im sure she know im crying. After that, my tears just like cant stop but because i need to go into house soon, so i try to control it. After cried, im not feeling well that i quite difficult to breath but im sure will be ok soon.

Sometimes, i just don't know why will become like that??? I really don't know how and i do really feel very very very stress of all these!!! I also a human, i will feel tired as well, can u just please let me cool down??!!!
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh, i want to sing k!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything will be ok soon!!! Im sure i can do it!!!